She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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