i permit you to call me
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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