He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
