I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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