we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
