if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
