jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
