His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
