Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
