I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
