After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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