Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
