I want to have your abortion
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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