just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
