Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
