Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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