do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You just made me feel so damn special
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
