hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
