i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
