Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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