The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
