Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
