hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
