tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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