someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
