i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
