so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
