dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
