Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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