there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I could fuck to npr.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
