After last night, I could never be a politician.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
