so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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