grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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