I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
