I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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