Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
