I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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