the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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