I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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