My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
