I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
