I want to have your abortion
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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