Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
