i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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