never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
