he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
