I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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