This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
