i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
