Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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