but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I need a beard to bite.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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