she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
