No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
