Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
