I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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