I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
How does it feel to date your dad?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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