they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
