I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
