yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
