THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
