i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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