I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Life is so much better after having sex.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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